Making Amends: Healing Through Action

In recovery, we learn that healing isn’t just about staying clean.
 It’s also about repairing the damage we’ve caused—to others and to ourselves.

Whether the harm we caused was due to anger, fear, selfishness, dishonesty, or pure recklessness—it doesn’t really matter why it happened. What matters is our willingness to face it, own it, and grow from it.

Not Everything Can Be Fixed… And That’s Okay

Sometimes, the harm we've done can’t be fully repaired.
Sometimes, we're not even responsible for the things we’ve been blamed for.
And sometimes, we can’t make amends directly.

Still, recovery invites us to do what we can, when we can, with a sincere heart.

The Small Repairs Start Early

Even before we begin formal amends, the healing often begins:

• Families are relieved when we stop using.
• The overt damage we caused stops as we stay clean.
• If we’ve kept jobs or stayed in school, our performance and behavior have likely improved.

These small victories count—and they're a sign of deeper change.

Amends = Change, Not Just “I’m Sorry”

You may have heard in meetings that “amends means to change.”
That’s true—sincere change is the real goal.

But that doesn’t mean we never say sorry.
 Face-to-face amends can be a powerful part of our spiritual growth—and healing for the person we’ve harmed.

We don’t offer hollow apologies and go back to our old behavior.
 We show others we're changing by how we live now.

But… Is All This Really Necessary?

You might be feeling tired. You might be wondering:

• “Aren’t we just punishing ourselves going through all this?”

The truth is:

No, we’re not punishing ourselves—we’re freeing ourselves.

When we’ve made real amends, we:

• No longer carry shame
• Can look people in the eye
• Don’t have to avoid anyone or fear being “found out”
• Feel equal, not “less than”

That’s not punishment. That’s freedom.

Don’t Rush the Process

On the flip side, some of us rush in to make amends and cause even more harm.
We:

• Confess past affairs to our spouse
• Unload traumatic addiction details to family
• Give our kids speeches they’re not ready for
• Walk into our boss’s office and confess to everything
• Overwhelm people trying to protect themselves

We do this with good intentions—but without a plan or guidance, it can backfire.

Slow it down.
Never make major amends without talking to your recovery buddy or sponsor first.

"I Didn't Hurt Anyone But Myself"… Really?

Some of us believe we’ve only harmed ourselves.
 If we can’t think of anyone to put on our amends list, or we feel vague guilt but no clear reason—we might still be in denial.

Here’s a tip:

If someone’s name comes to mind, even if we don’t remember why…
 Put the name down anyway.

The reason might come later. What matters is keeping an open mind and being willing to do the work.

"More will be revealed."

What If I Can’t Face Certain People?

Some names bring up fear or resentment.
We may think: “I’ll never be able to face them.”

That’s okay for now.

The goal is willingness.
We list their names even if we’re not ready yet.

And if approaching someone is truly unsafe, we work with our sponsor or recovery buddy to figure out a safer way forward.

Final Thoughts

Making amends isn’t easy. It takes:

• Courage to face the truth
• Humility to own our part
• Wisdom to know when and how to act

But through this process, we’re not just cleaning up the past.
 We’re building a future—one based on honesty, respect, and real connection.

Today, I Choose to Make Things Right.

Even if I can’t fix everything, I can start somewhere.
 Even if I’m afraid, I don’t have to do it alone.
 With help from my Higher Power and my recovery community—

I can make amends.
 I can grow.
 I can heal.